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07/05/2003: "Apocalypses Now"

Do you remember Martin Sheen doing his psycho army hitman character in Apocalypses Now? The close-ups in the boat, traveling upriver, while he poured endlessly over the mysterious Colonel's dossier, do you remember how he just ran sweat? I do. He looked like he had just popped up out of a pool without blinking or shaking the water off.

That's how I felt yesterday, the Fourth of July in Chicago. I didn't get as many close-ups as Martin Sheen did, but then I didn't get quite as weird or swill quite as much booze as he did either. But I did the best I could, and boy did I sweat. One of the partyers, who arrived about 4 PM, said that his car thermometer read a flat 100 degrees as he pulled in my driveway. And was it humid!

This year in Chicago we can't take it. We have been freezing our asses off for weeks and then on our favorite, most predictable, cookout and beer fest, holiday of the year the bomb drops. We don't just turn off the heat and turn on the air in one smooth motion, which is not unusual in Chicago, but we find ourselves in the Apocalypses Now version of Vietnam. How fair is that?

By the way, we are now coming to you from Houston.

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