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08/15/2003: "Arnold"

What hast thou wrought? In the infancy of his gubernatorial campaign, Arnold has blown it. He shares, with "Slick Willie", the malady known as diarrhea of the mouth. Clinton, when faced with the post Linda Tripp press onslaught, might have said, "Sure, I am the president, but I'm also a very sexy guy." He chose, however, to answer questions that were never asked, such as, is oral sex really sex? And, he buried himself. This is diarrhea of the mouth. Now, what about Arnold? Click more.. below.

Arnold is The Man, but he has buttons too. Remember, it was Arnold himself who taught us in T1 that evil robots, even the evil robots constructed far in the future, have German accents, and it helps to prove that they're evil. We have the Nazis, the Jewish, "lest we forget" campaign, and a shitload of war movies to thank for that knee-jerk reaction. That's the way it is. Not so bad for an action hero, but a big red button for an aspiring politician. Someone pressed that button, I'm sure not for the first time, and asked if dear old dad was in the war. Pre-aspiring-politician Arnold might have said, humorously, "I need your clothes, your boots, and your motorcycle," or, more seriously, "My agent, my lawyer, my accountant, and my doctor are all Jewish and are my good friends; let's not go there."

New Arnold, alas, decided to answer a question that was never asked. A Schwarzenegger spokesman, Rob Stutzman, said Wednesday that "it's been well-documented that Arnold is concerned about his father's activities in the German army. He's been asked about it for years and over those years it is abundantly clear that Arnold's views are completely opposite of those of his father." Diarrhea of the mouth strikes again, Rob.

Based on information published in August 14's Chicago Tribune, it seems, in 1990, following news reports that his father was a Nazi, Arnold approached the Simon Wiesenthal Center, named after the famed Nazi hunter, and asked that they investigate his fathers war record. Why not let sleeping dogs lie? Maybe, in retrospect this was a mistake, but it was thirteen years ago and strictly Arnold's business. After a two-month investigation, in which Simon Wiesenthal was personally involved, the verdict was in--Gustav Schwarzenegger was indeed a member of the Nazi Party; he voluntarily applied for membership in 1938. But there was no evidence that he was a war criminal. Nor had the Wiesenthal Center found any evidence that he had belonged to any notorious paramilitary units.

But documents in the Austrian State Archives in Vienna, reviewed by The Los Angeles Times this week, show that Gustav Schwarzenegger had a deeper involvement in Hitler's regime than the Wiesenthal Center uncovered. One document in particular shows Gustav Schwarzenegger was a member of the Sturmabteilungen, also known as the "storm troopers" or "brown shirts." Rabbi Marvin Hier, founder of the Wiesenthal Center, was shown copies of some of the Austrian documents reviewed by The Times. Now Marvin really shines. He immediately assigned researchers to dig deeper into Gustav Schwarzenegger's past, but said the actor has been a strong supporter of Jews and Jewish causes over the years, having contributed about $750,000 of his own money to the Wiesenthal Center. The more you stir it, the more it stinks.

Arnold had, for his own reasons, asked thirteen years ago for an investigation into his father's war record, and had donated money, again for his own reasons, to the Wiesenthal Center; we don't know when or under what circumstances. That's it. The entire bad smell results from answering questions that have not been asked and having reporters follow up on answers only "because they are there", like Mount Everest.

Now Arnold looks like he bought a cover-up and he appears to stand or fall on his dead father's 60-year-old Nazi war record. How did that happen? Diarrhea of the mouth.

What to do? Fire Rob Stutzman, tell Rabbi Marvin Hierand to piss off, and forget about what your father did or didn't do 60 years ago. Remember, you're Arnold; just say "I swear I will not kill anybody."

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