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09/08/2003: "Horse Race?"

Yes, it's a horse race. You don't have a problem with that? I did (see The Track); but not anymore, it's without a doubt the best game in town. Arlington Park is in Chicago's northwest suburbs with free parking, six dollar admission, no lines to wait in, beer, and spacious, clean, air-conditioned washrooms everywhere. And, you're not pegged to a cramped, hard seat with a number on it for the duration, where as likely as not, at many sporting events, you'll be stuck with six drunks behind you spilling beer on you every time they stand up to let one of their party stumble out to the washroom. There were no Damon Runyon characters, no guys talked out of the sides of their mouths, the women were good-looking, and the horses were beautiful. Add to that, the spectacle of the paddock parades and the racing itself -- nine trips to the paddock and nine trumpeted "calls to the post" -- all spiced with the opportunity to bet on your favorites to win, place, or show each and every twenty minutes, and you have one helluva show. If you would like details, pictures, and my betting results click more.. below.

It was Sunday afternoon, just yesterday, the temperature was in the low 80s, dry and sunny, and our party of seven arrived at Arlington Park just after 1 PM. We were late, the first race was being run as we paid our admission, but that's another great thing about racing; we didn't miss the first inning, the kickoff, or anything but the first race. If you go to Sunday brunch and it's running a little slow, no sweat; each race is a discrete entity. Nothing to go "Type A" about; there are eight more races.

Our party is made up of Al, our host and horse racing expert, who is a DBA, a Harley rider, and a highly intuitive and charmingly spacey good guy, and his exuberant, red haired, Russian born wife Lana, who consistently wears the world's hottest shoes. Al's daughter, Janette, 17 and under 5 ft. tall, is one of the smartest kids I've never met and enough fun to have worn a black studded dog collar to our Christmas Eve party last year. Our "in-house crank" and world class critic and whiner, Chuck, the keeper of data and suspected bone crusher for "friendly" Bob Adams, owns our favorite well-tuned and extremely dry sense of humor, and his southern bell wife Charlene. Charlene is from New Orleans, is a horsewoman, and, when freshly out of college, lived for a time in the French quarter where she shared a courtyard of wrought iron balconies with playwright Tennessee Williams and his frequent visitor actor Rock Hudson. She is every inch a lady, attractive mother, kindergarten teacher, and as crazy as a bedbug. Finally, there was my lovely mathematician (see Doctor Big vs The Mathematicians), and Me.

Now, I'll take you through the cycle that pretty much repeats itself with each race. First the paddock, where before each race the participating horses and jockeys take part in a paddock parade. This provides you with an opportunity to evaluate the condition, both physical and emotional, of the horses and the jockeys who are about to race. The paddock is a circle, a groom from each horse's stable leads that stable's horse around the circle; the jockeys come out, mount their horses, and everyone goes around again. During this parade, a large electronic scoreboard displays each horse's name and number and the current odds. The odds change as more people place their bets. If you like, you can place your bet right there in the paddock area. The horses parade away, and trumpets play the "call to post." Click here for paddock pictures.

Everyone troops into the clubhouse, up an escalator in into an expansive area that looks like a mall. There are washrooms, bars, a food court, a gift shop, and rows of people to take your bets. You proceed through this area, stopping wherever for whatever, and then out of the air-conditioning through a large set of double doors to grandstand. Click here for grandstand pictures.

The grandstand is comfortable with plenty of room to sit, or stand, or jump up and down. If you want to take pictures or just get a really good view of the action, you can walk down to the rail at the edge of the track. Again, their huge electronic scoreboard provides information about the coming race, and about the race as it is being run. Click here for race pictures.

Beside having a great time, how did you do? Well, I broke even. I bet $10, to win, on the horse in each race that looked, to me, most like he felt like running. Not very scientific, I admit, but I was so busy having fun, rubbernecking, and taking pictures that I only bet on five races and scarcely opened my copy of the Daily Racing Guide.

What if it had been hotter, colder, raining, more crowded? I can only tell you how it was for me; after all, it's a horse race.

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