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09/30/2003: "Troubled Waters"

Hey, what happened to global warming? It has been so cold in Chicago it seems like Halloween. The kind of Halloween that, when you were a kid, caused your mom to make you wear your coat over your costume and nobody knew what you were supposed to be; all that was showing was your rubber mask, and you had to take that off because it was filled with frozen sweat mixed with snot. Click more.. below.

Yes, the frost is on the pumpkin a month early this year, and I'm scared to death. Scared, why? Because Columbus Day is still down the road a piece, and if Dennis Miller is right about global warming not being what it's cracked up to be, then there's every reason to believe that I will not survive the Columbus Day weekend. "I don't get it," you say, "what's with Columbus Day?"

Well, a tradition has grown among people who are lucky enough to have a place to go to in Michigan when it's so hot in Chicago you could fry eggs on the sidewalk, and that tradition is to call Columbus Day weekend, the end of summer. It's the last big blowout mixed with a few chores. Yeah, Columbus Day weekend is risky business in northern Michigan, but nobody in their right mind likes to see the end of summer so it's only natural to push it a little. Besides, we in Chicago have been supporting global warming through demonstrations, donations, and prayer for years now, so we view it has kind of an act of faith to push the envelope.

In far less threatening years, I have spent Columbus Day weekend huddled around whatever heat source was available, be it burning sticks and leaves in the yard, a fireplace, or even the cabin kitchen stove, commiserating with other victims of faith as they wandered from house to house, wrapped in blankets over all of the clothes they had with them, in search of a larger and hotter heat source. It can also get pretty ugly at night when you realize that no electric blanket cranked however high can keep your head warm. But the best part is when you really push the envelope and keep your boat in the water on faith. Sometimes, honest, you get the greatest boat trips, trudging up and down the lakes and shooting pictures of incredible autumn colors. But sometimes, and I think this year will be one of those, your faith lets you down and your boat trip amounts to beating north against a gale force wind filled with snow just to get your boat to the marina.

Maybe statistics are on our side and when this crummy cold weather breaks it will be balmy through Christmas, but I don't think so; it's just not like Chicago. Besides, doesn't Santa need snow for his sleigh?

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