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10/30/2003: "Cheer up!"

It's a great day in Chicago. It's sunny and warm here, but everyone seems to be in some kind of funk. What's going on? I, for one, am inspired. why? I'm sitting here looking at one of those upside down fishbowl things sitting on my desk, the kind that you shake and it snows inside. This one has a picture swimming in it of Dick Nixon shaking hands with Elvis Presley. Whoa! And, they're both smiling. I got it in Memphis, like that's a surprise. Anyway, do you think that was easy for either one of them? Smiling and being buddies like that? I'm guessing they did it for the sake of America and maybe the rest of the free world. Those were tough times too, ya know. Inspired yet? Click more.. below.

Maybe what we have going here is that everyone is all twisted up about what they're going to be for Halloween. It's not often, after all, that Halloween falls on a party night. You've got next year when it falls on Saturday, and then you're crying in your beer until 2008. Oh well, if you're really up against it, just ignore the bitch next door who ordered fabric and a couple of spools of wire last August and is going as a space station; go for the minimalist approach.

Maybe you can do better, but have you ever taken a good look at Alice Cooper. He looks pretty spooky, right? And, all he does is rub some black shit around his eyes; the rest is natural. You, on the other hand, can pull out all the stops and mousse your hair straight up in the air to boot. You've got the idea. The sky's the limit, and it works for either sex.

Now, after some black or blue fingernail polish, the rest is in your closet. You're all set; now all you have to do is find a party. Drive directly to the hippest part of town and park your car in the shadows. Wait for carload of partiers to park nearby and follow them to paydirt. Just that simple. If you're worried about getting caught crashing, just bring your own bottle. This will provide you with the necessary positive attitude. Buy good booze; with this technique you can afford it, and they will never throw you out. If you're downright backward, you can always bring two bottles, and you'll be awarded a prize for "best costume."

Have fun, Alice.

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