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11/23/2003: "Problem Turkeys"

If you're an adventurer, and you sometimes stuff your bird, and sometimes not, or like me, you let it all hang out and scrape the snow off your Weber just to get that smokey charcoal flavor, then sooner or later your "instant read" meat thermometer is going to let you down. Let's face it, the more variables you put into your technique, the less you can count on cooking time, and the more dependent you become on a gadget you probably spent $5 to $10 for years ago and store in your kitchen junk drawer getting knocked around day after day. Click more.. below.

So what? Well, if you had had the experience of pulling a "rare" turkey by mistake, letting it cool down properly before carving, while setting the table and cooking last-minute vegetables only to discover, in front of your guests, that there will be a slight delay before takeoff, then you wouldn't ask such stupid questions. It's a traumatic experience when your bird has to go back in the oven. Your mashed potatoes and gravy will solidify, and your guests will get drunk and fall asleep. "What can I do," you ask, "buy a new thermometer?" No, just calibrate the one you have. What, how?

I thought you'd never ask. First, shove everything around in the bottom of your junk drawer until you find your thermometer. Pull it out of its little plastic protective tube, and look at it. Opposite the sharp end that you stab into your turkey, you will find the dial with a needle and a round face, and on the opposite side of this round case where you read the temperature, you will see either a very small screw, or a nut that seems like it must be there to hold the round dial case onto the sharp pointed rod. If your thermometer has a small screw, you will need a small screwdriver like the one you use to fix your glasses. Turning this screw will calibrate your thermometer. If, on the other hand, your thermometer is the type with a nut, then you'll have to hold the nut with a pair of pliers while turning the round dial case in order to make your adjustments.

Now, you're ready to calibrate, or adjust where the thermometer needle is pointing relative to a known standard. First there is the freezing point of water; fill a glass with ice cubes, add water to the top, and give it a couple of minutes. Insert the business end of the thermometer into the water and see that it reads 32 degrees. If not, turn the screw/nut until it does. Then the boiling point; heat some water to boiling point, test for 212 degrees and adjust if necessary.

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