Wednesday, December 31, 2003

Gollum
The Ringsters are popping up everywhere! But what about Gollum? Where does he go from here?

Don't miss Gollum's "future" in "This Week's Fantasy." Link opens in a new window. Oh, I'll lift one for you tonight.
posted @ 05:43 PM CST [link]

Tuesday, December 30, 2003

Amateur Night
One of the interesting things about Christmas is that when it's over it takes weeks or even months before you can remember why you were so excited about it. I don't know why the post Christmas let down is so dramatic, but I know how to cure it. The surefire cure for post Christmas let down is New Year's Eve. Click more.. below.
posted by @ 11:43 PM CST [more..]

Sunday, December 28, 2003

Poor Santa
I saved this until after the big day to prevent any unnecessary anxiety.

Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and the FAA examiner arrived last week for the pre-Christmas flight check. Click more.. below.
posted by @ 04:33 PM CST [more..]

Saturday, December 27, 2003

Hu's On First?
Hu's On First? is a takeoff on Abbott & Costello's "Who's On First?"
Playwright Jim Sherman wrote this after Hu Jintao was named chief of the Communist Party in China. Jim is a Chicago boy who began his career as a writer and performer with The Second City. Click more.. below.
posted by @ 03:50 PM CST [more..]

Tuesday, December 23, 2003

Merry Christmas
We throw a big party on Christmas Eve, so I'm going to bail on you until after Christmas. I'll leave you with the following suggestions:
1. If you like the previous entry, "Visions of Sugar-plums," you'll love "I'll miss Him." Lots of Christmas spirit and another great poem. Link opens in a new window.
2. If you have all the Christmas spirit you can stand, check out the link "Previous Notes" on your right.
3. If you're not in the mood for Christmas or more Cliff's Notes just now: CLICK HERE to shop around. Link opens in a new window.

Last but not least, check out Santa in "This Week's Fantasy;" it's for you. Link opens in a new window.
posted @ 05:09 PM CST [link]

Sunday, December 21, 2003

Visions of Sugar-plums
A Visit from St Nicholas,
by Clement C. Moore.

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

Click more.. below.
posted by @ 06:46 PM CST [more..]

Saturday, December 20, 2003

Hitchin' Home
Doing whatever it takes to get "home for the holidays" is a time-honored Christmas tradition, and hitchin' home from school or base has always been popular with young Americans.

"This Week's Skin" celebrates a technique from the southwest guaranteed to make the desert leg of your trip the easiest, in spite of low traffic.
posted @ 02:54 PM CST [link]

Friday, December 19, 2003

The Yule Log
Many of our Christmas traditions have resulted from the fact that early Christians wanted the celebration of the birth of Christ to coincide with the pagan Roman festival marking the "birthday of the unconquered sun" (natalis solis invicti). I guess everybody had the day off already. Anyway, this festival celebrated the winter solstice. The winter solstice, of course, was celebrated all over the ancient world, so Christmas traditions as we know them developed from many interesting sources. The Yule Log was one of these "what's that got to do with...?" traditions. Click more.. below.
posted by @ 09:33 PM CST [more..]

Thursday, December 18, 2003

Jollitude
Yeah, it's not a real word, but I've got it! I've got it good. The holiday season is great, and all you have to do to put yourself in the mood is a few of the standard things that people bitch about. Click more.. below.
posted by @ 11:03 PM CST [more..]

Monday, December 15, 2003

Run Like Hell
A promise was made in the law establishing the Illinois tollway system back in 1953 to convert the new tollway into a freeway as soon as the initial costs were recouped. This bit of legislative bullshit establishing what is now the Illinois State Toll Highway Authority (ISTHA) follows:

(605 ILCS 10/1.1)
Sec. 1.1. Short title. This Act may be cited as the Toll Highway
Act.
(Source: P.A. 86-1324.)

(605 ILCS 10/21)
Sec. 21. When all bonds including refunding bonds and all interest
thereon have been paid, or a sufficient amount for the payment of all
bonds and interest due or accrued thereon has been set aside in trust
for the benefit of the bondholders and shall continue to be held for
that purpose, and when all money appropriated by the General Assembly
has been repaid as provided by Section 18 of this Act, the toll highways
and any connecting tunnels, bridges, approaches or other appurtenances
to such toll highways shall become a part of the system of the State
highways of the State of Illinois, and be maintained and operated free
of tolls.

Now, fifty years later, the tollway people owe $890 million, and tolls are viewed as a necessary evil. What a suprise! Were you born yesterday? Click more.. below.
posted by @ 10:35 PM CST [more..]

Saturday, December 13, 2003

Debate?
To save time, let's just assume I know everything. Why? I'm late for cocktail hour.

By the way, it's Saturday. Don't miss the new "This Week's Skin."
posted @ 06:13 PM CST [link]

Friday, December 12, 2003

Bette Davis Eyes
Her hair is Harlowe gold,
Her lips sweet surprise
Her hands are never cold,
She's got Bette Davis eyes
She'll turn her music on you,
You won't have to think twice
She's pure as New York snow,
She got Bette Davis eyes

Click more.. below.
posted by @ 05:36 PM CST [more..]

Wednesday, December 10, 2003

Sextasy
Bob Condor, wringing his hands for the Chicago Tribune, writes, "The new face of Viagra abuse is younger than you think." I hadn't really thought about it, but go on. And he does, quoting Dr. Robert Garafolo, director of youth services at the Howard Brown Health Center in Chicago, 'Viagra, the older man's drug, has earned a place among hard-partying youth. It has gone recreational practically without anyone noticing.'"

Is that scary? I guess so, because now Bob's article goes for the big guns;

"Here's the problem: Teenage boys and 20-something guys are taking Viagra with "club drugs" such as Ecstasy. Although Ecstasy can boost energy and provide the desired high, it lessens a male's ability to have an erection. Alcohol does the same thing to a man's sexual abilities" said Dr. Abraham Morgentaler, a Harvard Medical School physician and researcher in sexual dysfunction. "Adding the Viagra for a "sextasy" drug cocktail restores virility because the prescription drug's main biological action is to increase the nitric oxide production needed to encourage blood flow to the penis."

Jesus, I'm thinking as I read this, is he going to say that the "cocktail" will make your heart stop or your dick blow up? Click more.. below.
posted by @ 07:57 PM CST [more..]

Tuesday, December 9, 2003

Hard Wired
You know your living in the "now" when:

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail your friend who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses.
6. You go home after a long day at work and you still answer the phone in a business-like manner.
7. You make phone calls from home, and you accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line.
8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.
10. You discover you've been laid off on the 11 o'clock news.
11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.
12. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long service awards.
13. You're reading too fast to notice that there is no number 9.

Click more.. below.
posted by @ 06:17 PM CST [more..]

Monday, December 8, 2003

Pearl Harbor Day
I'm a big fan of the History Channel. Today, my mind whirling with computer-aided reenactments and debunked myths concerning December 7th, 1941, I'm taking a few moments to consider the exhaustive coverage of historic anniversaries by the History Channel over the last few weeks. First we had September 11th on its second anniversary, then the 40th anniversary of the Kennedy assassination, and now Pearl Harbor with hardly a break in MAJOR historical event coverage. I have to hand it to them, but, as a viewer, I find that I'm suffering from "debunked myth" and "computer simulation" overload. My head is swimming with data. I remember that with today's technology a battlefield is like a crime scene, and we can uncover the historical facts, no matter how long ago the battle, or how deep underwater the evidence. Also, I think I remember that Lyndon Johnson did it, but I can't remember what it was that he did. It was something about a blond or a midget submarine. Click more.. below.
posted by @ 12:00 AM CST [more..]

Saturday, December 6, 2003

Elf
Germanic folklore, originally, a spirit of any kind, later specialized into a diminutive creature, usually in tiny human form. In the Prose, or Younger, Edda, elves were classified as light elves (who were fair) and dark elves (who were darker than pitch); these classifications are roughly equivalent to the Scottish seelie court and unseelie court. The notable characteristics of elves were mischief and volatility. Click more.. below.
posted by @ 11:59 PM CST [more..]

Friday, December 5, 2003

ViewSonic UltraBrite A90f+
I bought a ViewSonic A90f+ 19 inch CRT monitor in late July. I wrote a blog entry at that time entitled "Stolen Monitor." The entry was not really a review, since I spent most of the time talking about my amazement at having purchased a high-quality 19 inch monitor for $200 and my adventures with the Best Buy sales staff. Do a search on "Stolen Monitor" if you're interested, however; here, I'm going to write a review of the A90f+ monitor itself since I'm getting a lot of search engine traffic looking for exactly that. Click more.. below.
posted by @ 06:21 PM CST [more..]

Wednesday, December 3, 2003

Aliens Are Back
Alien encounters are all the rage. Not to be left out, Cliff fantasizes... Aliens: don't miss "This Weeks Fantasy." Link opens in a new window. Remember, Wednesday is fantasy rotation day. Tell your friends.
posted @ 09:25 PM CST [link]

Monday, December 1, 2003

November's Ten
The optimized time management for dummies reading list entitled, "What Did Everyone Else Read?" in November.

With your time management problems in mind, I have listed November's ten most "viewed" entries, as reported by Cliff's Notes month end logs, ranked by times viewed. Shit Fire! Yeah, what a guy. Click more.. below for all this, and links too!
posted by @ 11:53 PM CST [more..]